How to kill vampires: Fans, Fangs and Fake blood

Vampires, the stuff legends are made of. Undead creatures that have invaded pop culture and have assumed roles of tall, brooding, handsome men that promises one of love and affection through the ageless years. Well that’s how the media is handling it, using the formula for countless movies and television shows.

Now technically they cannot be killed, since well they’re part of the undead menace that plagues the earth. So putting them down will be a more apt term. To put down a vampire one must first know what one is facing. A creature that has, according to the movies, have insane bodily functions that its straight up stupid to kill them or even try. Let us see the list includes: immune to bullet damage, crazy health regenerative properties, and the ability to jump small buildings, immortality and other insane crap that Hollywood or horror writers can think of.

Their source of nourishment seems to be blood, and sometimes flesh but mostly blood. Vampires to us are seen as how humans are to cows and chickens.

Let’s get to the basics of to put down these wretched undead. It has always been the notion that exposure to direct sunlight is lethal to vampires. It burns them or makes them explode, causing them to turn into ash. But what if it doesn’t kill them and they just don’t like going out and having fun in the sun like the rest of us. Instead of killing them it just causes a minor skin irritation. So what are you going to do in that type of situation? This is not a videogame kid you don’t get to restart the level. Death is permanent unless the fiend turns you, but we’ll discuss that for another time.

First off you shouldn’t even try to hunt them down. Look at it this way you are a frail fragile human being going against a mythical being incapable of pain. You definitely will lose. In a fair fight you will get your blood sucked dry, thankfully no one is dumb enough to fight fair against the undead. Never go alone, maybe go with a friend or friends. Definitely go with a mob well equipped with tools to dispose of these scum. Remember the acronym S.I.N (Strength in Numbers). Sin is good for you, at least the way I see it. They may take one or two down, but not everyone.

There are several reasons why people hunt things that go bump in the night, vengeance is usually one of them.

“That thing killed my (insert girlfriend/wife/family/whoever here.) I’m going to kill it even if it’s the last thing I do (it most likely will be).”

I guess others do it for sport, I mean instead of shooting bears, lions, bucks. You hunt vampires; you have a death wish pal. Whatever motivation they may have it alone will be useless against a vampire. You need fire power, some holy stuff to go with it, vehicle for travelling and of course money for food and other amenities.

Pack some serious heat, not some measly pea shooter but not a rail gun either (but that would be a nice touch too). Something you can carry and lug around, use when the situation calls for it.  Of course civilians will think you’re some kind of nutjob with you holding an assault rifle wherever you go.

Remember you are tracking a mythical being in the 21^st century; keep a low profile or people will call the cops on you. Their reason is you have gone off the deep end and is a menace both to yourself and everyone around you.

There is a lot of factors to consider when talking about how to put vampires down but a sure fire method is to behead and burn the body. Alternatively you can keep them alive for torture and giggles in your dungeon. Whatever gets your rocks off.